One of the hallmarks of high school for me was the feeling of uniqueness I thought our generation carried with us like a prize we won after our parents fought for civil rights and blazed professional trails for women. We felt free to be different/other/whatever we wanted. It truly felt like a privilege our parents didn't have. Sure, there was some patriarchal and racist bullshit we still held on to, and we certainly weren't openly discussing our sexual trauma and feeling totally free to express our sexuality if it veered from a heterosexual "norm." But we were getting there...we were one one step closer. We thought we were it.
I remember many of my friends in high school wore black clothes and Doc Martens, listened to grunge music, smoked pot, drank and smoked cigarettes, and fiercely loved anyone who came into the group regardless of race, orientation, or any other dividing factor. My high school was diverse, and I don't remember there being many mean girls or other bullying that resulted in violence. We weren't like the movies depicted high school to be, and I loved that. I realize this was my experience and might not be everyone's who went to school with me, but I firmly believe our school and generation was more tolerant, open minded, and loving than our parents' generation.
We danced to '90s hip hop at school dances, slow danced to metal hair bands, and found refuge in doing whatever we wanted to do with fewer repurcussions than generations before. I remember feeling such unity in my school, even though behind the curtain, we were divided by religion, cultural experiences, and socioeconomic factors. I grew up on the other side of the tracks in a neighborhood that formed my identity and will forever be the reason I am who I am. I spent time in houses in other towns that had 5 bedrooms and with people whose parents owned boats but then came home to beat-up cars parked in my court and friends outside kicking balls in the green patch in the middle of our court at sundown before the streetlights came on.
Fast forward almost 30 years, and, despite years and cities between us, we're friends on social media with the people who helped formed us. But so much has changed. We've gone through our generation's period of unjust war, nurtured babies we thought we were bringing into this world to be even better versions of our tolerant selves, and experienced a period of political peace that would soon be unsettled and unleash a fury I've never witnessed before. Some of the people I thought were so tolerant and loving have turned out to be supporters of anti-this and anti-that, almost as if they need to be against something because life got too easy and boring, and so many of them just got selfish.
My high school memories of these people are beginning to be tainted by their vitriol and quietly violent rhetoric, and I've learned that social media isn't really for me anymore, aside from a random post or sharing things with family. How can someone who touted individuality and the beauty of being different now say that they care so much about someone else's gender identity to the point of being against them? How does this make sense? How does this live up to the Gen X mindset? It doesn't. And that's why I'm confused. What happened to make people so angry, so eager to be focused on themselves and what suits them the most? Where are those smart people I envied and adored, even if I wasn't close friends with them? How can so many people I grew up with who had fewer means than others be against social services?
The theme of my senior yearbook was "Dare to Be Different," and the cover was a rainbow:
I thought we lived that motto, but somehow so many of those people who shared that sentiment have turned hard against what we thought would be a gift to future generations. Don't you remember those 5 piercings you got in one ear because you wanted to be unique? Don't you remember being a girl who wore baggy T-shirts and jeans because fuck the patriarchy and a man's desire to see your breasts and skin? Don't you remember sticking up for that kid in class with a disability who turned out to be everyone's good friend? Where is that thinking now?
I'm stunned every day when I read the news, open up social media, see a sign on the street, hear about a relative someone had to quietly let go of. I don't know where we went wrong, Gen X, but we did. We failed to teach our children tolerance and manners, and we certainly haven't communicated that theme from my yearbook because those who did dare to be different are now ridiculed and hated. Help me understand. Start a dialog. If you disagree with my political and social justice views, tell me why and how you changed from that person I remember in high school who was friends with everyone. Our music taught us to be better than this, but I guess not everyone was listening to the radio along with me.
